Why Overcoming Vaginismus Isn’t Enough to Fix Your Sex Life

The Breakthrough That Felt Like a Letdown  

Emma thought she’d crossed the finish line. After years of struggling with vaginismus—a condition causing involuntary pelvic muscle contractions—the 25-year-old could finally use tampons and small toys without pain. But when she tried penetrative sex with her partner, something unexpected happened.  

“My body technically cooperated,” she explains, “but my mind completely checked out. I felt numb, detached… like I was watching from outside my body.”  

This is the reality many women face after overcoming physical barriers to penetration: The body may be ready before the mind and heart are.  

 The Hidden Half of Healing  

 What Emma Discovered:  

1. Physical progress ≠ and emotional readiness  

• Her muscles had relaxed, but her nervous system still associated penetration with threat  
• Past trauma (even if not sexual) had created subconscious protective patterns  

2. Pain leaves an imprint  

• Years of anticipating discomfort created automatic tension  
• Her brain had wired penetration to “danger” signals  

3. Pleasure was the missing piece  

• Focus had been on tolerating penetration, not enjoying it  
• No one taught her how to rebuild positive associations  

 Rewiring Your Relationship With Penetration  

 If This Resonates, Try This:  

1. Reclaim Solo Exploration  

– Use dilators/toys without performance goals  

– Pair with mindfulness: “What sensations can I notice today?”  

– Introduce pleasure (clitoral stimulation helps many women relax)  

2. Practice “Body Conversations”  

When anxiety arises:  

➔ “Thank you for protecting me” (to your nervous system) 

➔ “We’re safe now” (gentle belly breathing)  

➔ “We can stop anytime” (building trust)  

3. Try Cannabis or CBD (If Open To It)  

– Many women find low doses:  

  • Reduce hypervigilance  

  • Increase body awareness  

  • Help reframe the experience  

 The Turning Point  

For Emma, everything changed when she:  

– Stopped forcing partnered sex  

– Used cannabis before solo exploration  

– Celebrated tiny wins (“Today I felt curious, not scared!”)  

“I finally understood,” she says. “Healing wasn’t about ‘allowing’ penetration—it was about welcoming myself back into my body.”  

Your body isn’t broken—it’s brilliantly protective. The next phase of healing isn’t about pushing through, but about compassionate rediscovery.  

Ready to go deeper? Join my free workshop “Beyond Pain: Rewiring Pleasure After Vaginismus“—because you deserve more than just “getting through it.”